October 18

It's done. Everything is filed. Filing the NOI was surprisingly easy. I did it in person and made sure to get a receipt. I then went over to the kids' school to withdraw them all. The staff was a little surprised but told me they would notify the teachers. I plan to send each of their teachers an email and we'll be picking their things up after school today. I feel a lot of things but what I feel most is fear. The fear has risen from the pit of my stomach to my head and my ears are throbbing right now. It's the fear that has prevented me from doing this for so long and I'm just going to swim in it for a little while. Not helping is the fact that my mother is against us homeschooling. She hasn't said it, and would never say it, but I can tell by her tone she isn't pleased. My mother and I are pretty close. Having her "on my side" so to speak is important to me. However, we are going to do this, regardless of the opinions of others. And with that, we're going to go meetup with some friends at the park today and try to forget about all that!

October 17

I was up till 3 this morning cleaning house. For some reason, I really feel like I need the house to be perfectly spotless before we start homeschooling. As if a floor free of play-dough will somehow be the key to our academic success. I managed to tackle downstairs, and today I'll help the kids with their rooms. It's not just homeschooling that brought this on. With the holidays around the corner, I am trying to prepare for the deluge of toys that will inevitably enter our home in December. My children are the only grandchildren on both sides and are lucky enough to be loved by and receive gifts from quite a few people. On top of that, baby Lark will celebrate her first birthday two days after Christmas. So, yea, my house tends to look like a toy store at that time even though L and I buy almost nothing for them. This year, if anyone asks what they'd like, I'll recommend museum memberships and classes. Those won't have to be purged and I'm sure will provide many more awesome memories.

October 16

Perfectly fine. That's how our public school year was going so far. Sure, my kindergartner experienced some bullying, ate cheese balls at snack time more than once and got sick in the first two weeks of school, but other than that...everything was going o.k. One day this week, L came home early and so was able to help the children with their homework. He was astounded by what they didn't know. He felt they were memorizing things to be tested rather than learning information they would retain.

At that point, I knew I couldn't do it anymore. Our afternoons were always extremely stressful with me sometimes spending three to four hours on homework with Robin who is in fifth grade. I lost my patience, there were tears, lots of breaks, and always frustration. I didn't want to spend my evenings being the enforcer when I knew my kid should be outside playing after spending 6 hours in a classroom. I thought, if I am spending this much time on "homework", my kid could just be at home. The plan was always to homeschool, but when the time came for Robin to start formal schooling, I was too scared. So instead, I sent him to school and boy, did we have some experiences. He was given a half day of in school suspension for eating another child's snack (the principal's child) in the second grade. He was bullied in the fourth. I fought the schools and the staff. Sometimes, I did nothing.

Wren fared somewhat better, I guess. In first grade, her teacher asked me if we had any books at home. Then a classmate told my little six year old girl that she didn't like black people. When I told her we would be homeschooling, she cried. Said she would miss her very very nice teacher. I asked her what else she would miss about public school. "Events."

Finch has only been in school for six short weeks but has already been called names and was afraid to stand up for himself for fear of getting in trouble. He is one of the wittiest kids I know and I really worried about putting him in public school. I worried it would break his spirit. I don't think he's going to miss it much.

A few months ago, when I was certain I would not send them back this school year, I went to a homeschool park day and someone remarked that they'd heard that most people want to live in my neighborhood b/c of the good schools. I guess. But I can't shake the feeling that my kids are just being passed through. And that bugs me. Especially since I am raising children of color.

On Monday, I will be filing my Notice of Intent (to homeschool) and withdrawing them from public school. And so it begins...

September 7

Today is the first day of school. Nine months ago, I felt sure that school would take place at our dining room table come fall. However, due to the moderate postpartum depression I experienced after Lark's birth, L and I decided that for now, public school is the best place for them. There is almost nothing more important to us than their education.The mental health of their mother is paramount to them getting the best education. So, while I feel somewhat sad that things haven't turned out exactly the way I planned, I'm glad my children are learning in an environment that works for all of us.

September 3

This morning I woke up to the beautiful rain and we decided we would take the kids to breakfast. I fell and twisted my ankle while holding Lark. She's fine, thankfully. After eating, we decided to run some errands, but our car decided to be troublesome instead! So, my weekend has been rearranged. It's not so bad though. I'm going to spend a lot of time on the couch vegging out, something I rarely do. I keep telling myself things could be a lot worse than having my family to wait on me hand and foot while I order in dinner. Right?

September 2

Hurricane Earl is headed our way and though we probably won't be hit directly, we are expecting a lot of rain since we are on the coast. The kids are always thrilled but terrified whenever storms head our way. I remember being quite afraid of storms as a small child. I spent the early part of my childhood on an island and my older relatives would tell teasing stories about houses swapping roofs during hurricanes and such. I sneaked an episode or two of the twilight zone late at night too and somehow combined those two fears. I'm better now. I love even the most intense rain and generally enjoy weather most people consider gloomy. I find it the perfect time to stay inside and cuddle up with a good book and some knitting. I plan on doing that tonight.

September 1

This year, I swore I would not be scrambling a few days before school started to find all the school supplies. So, I bought everything back in July according to the lists that went out at year's end. I knew the teachers might change them a little, but I figured I had it covered. Cut to today, me in Target frantically searching for the right size, color, and type of each item still needed. There were about 3 items left on the school supply shelves. I came away with just a fraction of the things we still need. So, tomorrow, I get to hit up some more stores to make sure we have it all. I would gladly pay the school a supply fee for them to just have this stuff ready when the kids come in on the first day. Forget wrapping paper sales, school supplies could be the PTA's big money maker!